eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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