Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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