Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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