Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
