I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
