Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
