I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
