He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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