she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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