Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Randomize
