I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
