Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize