just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
