your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Randomize
