Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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