How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Holy sore nipples Batman
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
