Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
