well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
