i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
