Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
