Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
