Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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