He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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