My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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