worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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