I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
