My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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