I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
farters have to be the big spoon...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
