He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
