see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
