Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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