He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
