I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize