Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
