The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
