I hate your face
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
