Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
