Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
