whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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