mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Help. Why am I so naked?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
