This is not my ceiling
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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