i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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