I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
