At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
