I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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