how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
