so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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