She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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