if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize