it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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