i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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