please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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