she was so not down for the gang bang
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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