You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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