I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
