she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
