why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
