You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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