I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
