You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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