I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
