You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I want to have your abortion
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
no you cant smoke seaweed
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
