I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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