Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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