and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
