Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
