It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
