I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
