Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
