Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
