The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
