I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
