If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I can't turn off my feet"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
