Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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