I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
