Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
