I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
When did angry sex become our thing?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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