Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
handjob tips. give me some.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
