so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
