i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
