Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize