you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
