I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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