when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
