not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize