i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
