she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
