Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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