my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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