Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Randomize
