my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
