First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
