matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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