I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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