dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
