i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I think I just sharted jello shots
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