just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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