Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
