So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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