Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
