I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Randomize
