he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize