found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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