I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
