I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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