Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
this boner is exhausting
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
