ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize