So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
