I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
