you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
