Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
