i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
her facebook's as public as her vagina
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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